1. |
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*Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.* -W.B Yeats
I can’t focus
On a goddamn thing
I can’t think long enough to write
And so I sing
Can’t home in on
Anything at all
Can’t stay off my phone
So I’d better stay home
And let this nervous hammer fall
And the burst seams
Are barely
Held together by old punk songs
And memories (x2)
In His record
Of all awful things
I know I’m
Still classified
My story brings
Absolutely nothing
In the way of instruction
I’ve done
Doodley squat
In the way of function
Just focused on form
So now I’m pretty
But truth be told:
I’ve got no substance in me
And the burst seams
Are barely
Held together by old punk songs
And memories (x2)
Low enough to see how shallow I really am
Vain to my marrow I can’t even pretend
That all I want
Isn’t fame and admiration
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2. |
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Somewhere out there
There are millions of kids who
Just like me
Were told that they were diseased
Many of these same kids are given
Prescription amphetamines
To cure a disorder called childhood
I myself was around 6
When they tried to get me
So I wrote this song for us
It goes something like this
Energy’s not a crime
Though you might guess
That people of passion
Have been banished
From the West
Gasping with boredom
Torpor set in
Electric heads
And trembling hands
Always grasping
For something more
To fill our hearts
The cardinal question is
Will we start?
And from the front of the classroom comes the answer
Resounding and clear
The teacher says:
No, you suck
Shit out of luck
If you can’t take tests
Then you’re probably fucked (x2)
At which point my friends and I stand up
And fire back with a clever comeback
That sounds like this
Emptiness is a sin
Worth our condemnation
Only climb the jagged hills
Of sorrow and elation
Sing the songs of birth
And maybe of death
But not in between
That ravine is pointless
Let’s live hard and fast and good
Just like Hemmingway said we should
The teacher’s now called in the principle
Who clears her throat and reiterates the
Tired point of the tired status quo
And she says, a little faster
And with a little more force
No, you suck
You’re shit out of luck
If you can't take tests
Then you’re probably fucked (x3)
No
At this point my friend have taken a seat
Leaving only me standing
I have an intentionally poisonous look in my eyes
As I clear my throat and address the class
With the following pre-prepared speech:
“Fuck all the teachers
And school administrators
Who bullied me
Into thinking
I was no good
Who sent me
To therapy
And terrorized my family
To put a six year old
On a cocktail of drugs
I was only a kid
I was only a kid
I was only a kid”
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3. |
Gears
03:54
|
|
||
The scribbles of a madman fill old notepads
The schizophrenic gibberish
A feeble mind, all twisted
But I am never going back
Gears all spinning fine
I want to be okay
Feel the reigns of my mind
Grasped firmly in my palms
All day long
I don't mind the strain
In fact I need it, need to feel it
If I want to be okay
I'll never advance
I'll cease to be
Before my 'pen has glean'd my teeming brain'
Why does the eraser always seem to
Run out before the lead?
I've hit a block
The abstraction's too high up
For me to want to move
Spend the whole day long
Dragging my tired nerves on
The beaten path to nothing
Nothing, Nothing at all
Gears all spinning fine
I want to be okay
Feel the reigns of my mind
Grasped firmly in my palms
All day long
I don't mind the strain
In fact I need it, need to feel it
If I want to be okay
Gears all spinning fine
I want to be okay
Feel the reigns of my mind
Grasped firmly in my palms
All day long
I don't mind the strain
In fact I need it, need to feel it
If I want to be okay
But
I regress, I regressed
Slow thought, so remiss
Of me to not see
The jumbled mess
Of words and sets
That regrettably
Has become of me
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4. |
New Jersey Song
03:43
|
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I am moving out
Of this house
Of this town
Of this freezing air
I’m down to go
Wherever you go
I’ve but one stipulation
It’s a minor one
We can’t stay in the state where I’m from
I’ll go anywhere, seriously
As long as it’s not in
As long as it’s not in
New Jersey
I hate this place
This state
Is tearing
Me into not one
Not two
Not three nor five
But 10 different directions
While I’m still alive
Come on man
Look at the people
The pale leaves
And the dirty steeples
The public schools
Where I fought my fight
But I came out on top
So I guess that’s all right (yell)!
But you know it’s time to say so long
When California Dreamin’ is your new cosmic theme song
And like I said:
I’ll go anywhere, seriously
As long as it’s not in
As long as it’s not in
New Jersey
I hate this state
This place
Is tearing
Me into not one
Not two
Not three nor five
But 10 different directions
While I’m still alive
I hate you
So where am I supposed to go
When New Jersey
Houses the memories of my childhood home?
New Jersey
I’ll miss this state
My friends
And my family
I grew up here
This is my land too
And I’ll sigh as I’m leaving
But I’m sure I’ll come cowering
Come cowering
Back to you
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5. |
Punk (More Angst)
01:50
|
|||
I'm watching my best friends
Turn into their parents
And my girlfriend too
I don't want to relax
Do I look like someone
who can fucking relax
too you?
And all this frantic
Screaming noise
Has got nowhere to go
But out, out, out
Through my lungs
and my mouth
Listen to the voice
Listen, listen
it goes
I'm not alright
A forks
being dragged
on my plate tonight
I've been better
Or at least I think so
I can't remember
I'm watching myself
turn into my father
And it scares me so
Because at this rate
I'm poised to forget
Who I am
And where I should go
Remind me: what's my name?
No seriously, what's my name
Oh man, this is bad
The worst year I've had
And it hasn't even started to rain
Sick of trying to write songs
In a naunced and novel way
Cause what's inside
Is begging me to write
Three-chord punk songs all day
I'm not alright
A forks
being dragged
on my plate tonight
I've been better
At least I think so
I can't remember
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||||
6. |
||||
A Letter to Myself Regarding the Nature of Fish
Call me a name
See where that ends you up
Everybody in this room knows I’ll mess you up
But it’s sad because I’m the only one in this room
And the only one still calling anyone names
Spine feels all
All curled up
Head still hurts
Back is still stuck
To the cement
I lay all day in bed
I wait and wait
For a fish to come my way
But they don’t swim in cement
Hey look at that
I’m already split up
Into bite sized pieces
So when you eat me
There won’t be much for you to cut
And who isn’t fucked up?
Who isn’t screwed?
Rhetorical question because
The answer’s apparently you
Spine feels all
All curled up
Head still hurts
Back’s still stuck
To the cement
I lay all day in bed
I wait and wait
For a fish to come my way
But they don’t swim in cement
Everybody’s sad now
So nobody is
Left without a friend
And everybody hates this
But at the same time
I don’t want it to end
Spine feels all
All curled up
Head still hurts
Back’s still stuck
To the cement
I lay all day in bed
I wait and wait
For a fish to come my way
But they don’t swim in cement
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7. |
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In all probability
I’ll fade into the faceless annals of history
And every thought I’ve ever had
Every moment, sad or glad
Will be forgotten promptly
Will be forgotten promptly
Every idea, every futile stand against
The ever-crushing darkness
Has given me this hand
That I know
Stands no chance
And one day I’ll look up
From the top of a book
To find that I’m fifty
And that it only took
A fraction of a shadow
Of a slimmer of a second
To age into my father
And that all I imagined
For myself
And the world
Was a pipe dream
How unlikely
You’d be to find me
Doing something
Or being someone
Calm and happy
I’ll always be
Running on empty
The world keeps on spinning
I’ll grow up and then back down
Just like anyone
From “anyone lived in a pretty how town”
And one by one my friends
Will fade and vanish
From this town and my head
And no one will even notice
That it turned out
My God, it turned out
We’re all without
Gifts or talents
No one saw this
coming
And now
we’re all mad
At
this or that
But
The truth is
We were at
the shit end
Of our
parents’ friends’ snotty jokes
And they were totally right
We’ll just have to let it go
The world keeps on spinning
We’ll grow up and then back down
Just like everyones
From “anyone lived in a pretty how town”
In all probability
I’ll fall
Fast and forever
Into the silence
Of it all
And you’ll all fall too
Down, down with me
Into the all-consuming
Jaws of history
The world keeps on spinning
We’ll grow up and then back down
Just like everyones
From “anyone lived in a pretty how town”
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